On Sunday I went to visit the grave of a dear friend of
mine. I’ve known Matt since we were
probably 10 or 11. He died on Sunday,
February 13th in a car accident on his way to Church. He had just turned 28 and was engaged to a
great girl named Jayme. They had sent
out their wedding invitations the day before the accident and had made an offer
on a house earlier that week. Last
Friday would have been their wedding day.
Jayme happened to be driving that morning, which was
unusual, but Matt had forgotten his ID. They were on an Interstate on-ramp when she lost control of the car,
overcorrected, went down an embankment and crashed into a tree. Matt was pronounced dead when help arrived,
and Jayme ended up with all sorts of broken bones and awful injuries. They took her in an ambulance to the church
where she had a private viewing on the day of Matt’s funeral. I can’t even imagine what she must have been
going through.
Matt was close to my whole family and this was really
emotional for all of us. My dad is the
bishop of my home ward and he received the call about the accident and had to
go to Matt’s house with the State Police to break the news to his mother and
brothers. My sister and Matt had a very
strong friendship, and his family asked her to give a eulogy and serve as one
of his pallbearers. It wasn’t possible
for me to go home for the funeral, but I did listen over the phone. My mom held her cell phone on her lap so I
could hear the service from 3,000 miles away. It was beautiful, but still hard to take in as everything seemed so
surreal.
While I was home last week I thought a lot about Matt. I visited his mom and she’s doing really
well, as is Jayme. It’s amazing how
their faith has pulled them through losing someone so dear.
I’d like to share some of my favorite things about Matt.
He was one of the strongest people I have ever known. Matt decided to serve a mission for our
Church when he was 22. Generally young
men do this when they are 19, so it would have been very easy for him to say,
“Forget it – I’m too old.” I have the
utmost respect for his decision to go, and I know he regarded it as the best
decision he ever made. Matt ended up
serving the Spanish-speaking people in California,
and I was serving a mission in Brazil at the same time so we corresponded a couple of times. Once I got a letter from him with a statement
I will never forget: “Work as if everything depended on you, and pray as if everything
depended on God.”
When Matt had been on his mission for a little over a year,
his father was diagnosed with lung cancer. By the time he was diagnosed he didn’t have a lot of time left, and Matt
was allowed to take a few days’ break to fly home and visit his father because
he was in very critical condition. His
dad passed away on Easter Sunday. I was
really impressed with how resilient Matt and his whole family were, and how OK
they were with talking about it. His dad
was a very positive, optimistic, upbeat guy, and Matt totally inherited that
trait from him.
The summer we were 14, our youth group did a week-long
activity called the Pioneer Trek, where we walked all over the countryside
pulling handcarts that carried our belongings, cooked over a fire, and had to
dress like pioneers – bonnets and bloomers and everything. We weren’t even allowed to wear
deodorant. Needless to say, many of us
were exhausted and moody and really bothered that everyone stank and had greasy
hair and all we had to eat was charred bread and beef jerky. People, I would NOT have made a good pioneer.
But there’s Matt, just happy as a clam
to be on an adventure, and reminding everyone good-naturedly about the rules
for co-ed sleeping and peeing in the woods – “Bucks on the left, does on the
right!”
Matt did SO love an adventure, and he had this way of
turning EVERYTHING into one. If we all
went out for Japanese, Matt got the most bizarre thing on the menu (like the
fluorescent orange codfish roe sushi in the picture above). One summer he and my sister and another
friend decided to go on a road trip, so the very next day they set out across
the country in a Ford Festiva with no air conditioning. They drove the whole way from Pennsylvania to Mexico, stopping all kinds of placesin between. Two years ago he came
with my family to North Carolina for Thanksgiving, and we ended up going
swimming in the ocean, although it was so cold that the fishermen were all
wearing parkas and hats and staring at us like we were completely insane. One Christmas when his family was over at our
house for a get-together it started to snow so much that they ended up staying overnight. We decided to go for a walk outside – it must
have been close to midnight and there were nearly two feet of snow, but it was
an absolute blast!
My favorite memory of Matt is the summer he took me on the BEST
date I have EVER been on. We went to a
little Civil War-era restaurant in Gettysburg where you eat in the stone cellar and there are just little lanterns on the
table for light. Then we were going to
go bowling but the lanes were closed. At
this point, most guys would go, “Um, so what should we do now? You wanna rent a movie or something?” But again with the turning everything into an
adventure, Matt said, “How about we go on one of those Ghost Walks?” We walked all over town on a tour where your
guide is dressed up in some sort of Civil War costume and tells you all about
what happened at different landmarks and the hauntings that have supposedly
happened there. It was interesting and creepy,
and so much fun to do something touristy right around home.
Matt was the kind of person you could trust with anything and
be completely serious with, but could also always count on to be up for having
fun. I miss having him in my life.
For a person so utterly zealous about living to no longer BE
living… His final resting place was just
this rectangle of fresh brown dirt, surrounded by green grass covering the
graves of people who have been gone for a lot longer. Going there provided me with some closure
that I didn’t have since I couldn’t be at the funeral, but most of all I just
felt this sense of peace and calm. While
that spot of earth contains Matt’s body, his spirit is absolutely in a good
place, and he has a bit more insight than we do as to why he died at such a seemingly
inopportune time. Although it may sound
totally cliché to say it, I know that Matt would want to know that people have
been inspired to live better, happier lives because of his example. I know I have.
So, Mista Soul Cracka, thank you so much for the great
memories. Until we meet again…
Last Saturday, my friend Dawn got married. Here she is with her new husband. They had the most memorable wedding I think I've ever been to, and it wasn't even on purpose.
Recent Comments