So I'm sitting there this afternoon, minding my own business, watching Eddie Timanus, former 5-time Jeopardy! champion, who also happens to be blind, win a lot of money on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Then the universe spontaneously combusted, Eddie was stopped at $50,000, and life as I knew it abruptly ended, all because of a TV commercial for The Deal Pickle.
You see, the announcer on the commercial was pronouncing it EXACTLY like "The Dill Pickle," but there it was, clear as day on my screen: "The Deal Pickle." Utahns have this simultaneously fascinating and nerve-grating habit of reducing their diphthongs. (For those not in the linguistic know, a diphthong is a combination of two vowel sounds within the same syllable, as in "oil" or "mine.") This slack-jawed pronunciation allows one to hear, for instance, will for "wheel," jell for "jail," mell for "mail," sill for "seal," and rill for "real." This often results in confusion for those unfamiliar with the Utah accent, as will can mean both "wheel" and "will," and well can mean both "whale" and the expected "well." A most perfect example of this usage came later this afternoon in an e-mail from a friend, announcing that he and his wife are moving so their house is now "for sell." (Immediately after reading that, my head exploded.)
Hence, The Deal Pickle. If you're a native Utahn, of COURSE it makes sense! Well, guess what? People of Utah, you are WRONG! "DILL" AND "DEAL" ARE NOT HOMOPHONES!!!
There. I feel better now.
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